I'm an git, and deserve it.

I'm not a handsome man but I know what I despise
and thats a face where you can't tell the spots for the eyes
acné is a problem I've never been plagued with
but I feel sorry for the girls with this unwanted gift
the skin doesn't have to be pure, soft or flawless
just clear enough for the facial expressions to be distinguished

so if you're one of those
with a horn on your nose
then I'm afraid it's not meant to be
for you'll never get with me

I'm not saying that you should not bother and just lay about at home
and I don't mean that you can not be pretty without the use of a brush or a comb
all I mean to say is that my tastes are above and beyond that
of the men who don't care how loud is the splat
on the bathroom mirror when each and everytime you go
out comes a milky puss and down the glass it would flow

So if I see you in a bar
and you look good from afar
and if I come near
I'll need a lot of beer

I have ginger hair and a beer belly
I have freckles and can be quite smelly
my eyes are red from watching so much telly
and I use petroleum jelly

but I know what I am, so don't look down at me
for I can live fast and die free
knowing that none of the notches on my bedpost
were riddled with bacteria for which you were the host

sorry ladies, look elsewhere
for someone who cares
cos I don't want oily skin
when I kiss you on your chin

onomatopoeia

ding dong goes the doorbell
but I can't hear it
ring ring goes my mobile
but I can only feel it
bbzzzz is the annoying fly
that catches my eye
thwat is my hand
that flattens the nat
squeek squeek goes the friendly mouse
unaware of it's future
squawk goes the owl about to feed it's house
the mouse now needs a suture
vroom vroom goes the angry drivers
destined to be 30 seconds late
zoom zoom goes the mo-ped cyclists
unaware that theres a brake
woop woop it's a tuesday
the worst day of the week
bleep bleep what does my head say
it tells me I'm a freak

I've got friends

I've a friend whos dad just hurt his head
I've got a friend whose father is dead

I've got a friend who's as light as a feather
I've got a friend who's a lot heavier

I've got a friend who is really hot
I've got a friend who is really not

I've got a friend who's 6"6 tall
I've got a friend who's really small

I've got a friend with good advice
I've got a friend who doesn't suffice

I've got a friend who likes to drink
I've got a friend who likes to think

I've got a friend who is the best
I've got a friend below all the rest

I've got a friend who likes to talk
I've got a friend who prefers to walk

I've got a friend that's always late
I've got a friend who needs a date

I've got many friends of all shapes and sizes
I've got friends in all kinds of guises

I've got friends
some give me the bends
I've got friends
some make amends
All of my friends
I'll always defend
I've got friends
I've got friends
I've got friends
if you don't, get some friends
That's what I recommend

parting roads

we met at the cross-roads of life
which would be the start
for all the things to come from the heart
but this was just a moment in destiny
for that's where the path started to part

two ways to get to the same place
over time, picking up pace
we crashed and burned, fell into a daze

That was when I wish I prophesized
the knowledge I've just now realised
that all the things I gave from the start
were not only from the heart
as now I'm nothing without my insides

the same place we could've gone
if we were to have belonged
but lo, it twisted and pronged

this vacuum feeling of despair
the faults off too much care
are alleviated with social gatherings
and the short lived peace they bring
is too little to late to be fair

lonely, estranged and forsaken
down, desolate and destitute
uncherished, secluded and single
many words, same feeling

I walk a lonely road
through the rough journey ahead
I will find my abode
and my sadness will then be gladness